


I Must Be Evil

by castivak



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crying Jack Kline, Episode: s14e18 Absence, Gen, Hurt Jack Kline, Jack Kline Feels, Jack Kline Needs A Hug, Jack Kline Whump, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:42:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23241931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castivak/pseuds/castivak
Summary: jack's wings refused to move, they were in agony from all his previous flying and despite how badly he wanted to run, he couldn't, and now he just had to wait as sam and dean beat down rowena's front door.
Kudos: 54





	I Must Be Evil

**Author's Note:**

> this is basically the opposite of a fix it

"are you.....are you well?"

jack couldn't find it in himself to respond to rowena's question as he continued to walk inside her apartment, his mind going a million miles a second as it made him relive the last hours of his life over and over, not even letting him have a moment to breathe as his last words to mary screamed in his head, "sam and dean are looking for you, i....i can give them a call?"

jack turned so fast at rowena's suggestion that his head spun, "NO!" he cried, knowing what would happen if they were to find him, "i need help! i need magic!" he added, the desperation to bring his grandmother back increasing as time went on, "why?" rowena calmly asked and the nephilim faltered, his almost angry expression morphing into a sadder and almost haunted one, "...i killed mary."

jack could tell that rowena was trying not to show her shock and fear and his stomach rolled sickly as the woman he considered family looked to be afraid of him, "i-it was an accident! i didn't mean to! i just..." he trailed off, slowly walking towards rowena as he tried to make sure she understood that he wasn't evil like lucifer and that it was just a terrible mistake, "i just wanted quiet, i just wanted her gone--but only for a second! and i .....i thought it.......it happened so fast."

jack swallowed, able to feel rowena's concern and worry, unsure if she was worried for him or for herself, "i need to undo it.....you need to help me undo it."

"i.....uh......the magic i've used on myself only works as fail safes; they need to be prepared in advance, jack." 

jack tear ducts began to fill at rowena's disappointing reply; no.....that couldn't be it, could it? there had to be more, there was so much to magic and necromancy there had to be something to bring mary back. wait, the book! rowena had the book!

"what about the book?!" jack exclaimed as he reached for it on rowena's small coffee table, clinging onto it like it was all he needed to survive, "yes, yes, the book. i mean, there is a spell." rowena cooed as she rounded the table, taking a seat at the couch jack was standing in front of the boy sat down beside her, listening as she began to explain the backstory to the spell, not wanting to be rude and interrupt her but wanting her to get to the point, patiently waiting for her to finish and absorbing bits and pieces of information that he deemed necessary.

"what will we need?"

"oh well, the spell requires enormous power." rowena started and jack nodded, it wasn't like that was going to be difficult, "the ingredients are relatively simple, nothing you wouldn't have handy in the bunker." she smiled and jack went to speak, but a loud series of knocks on the door caused him to jumped to his feet in surprise.

"rowena?! open up!"

jack's heart leaped into his throat at dean's voice, the organ pounding in fear and he turned to rowena, feeling betrayed by the witch, "you've been stalling me.....tricking me!" he cried and rowena sighed as she got to her feet, "just talk to them, jack. they're your kin."

jack looked back to the door, his brain struggling to figure out what to do and he grabbed rowena's arm, going to take flight but he stopped as he wings refused to move in the way he requested, eyes going wide as he let go of her arm.

his wings were in agony from all his previous flying and despite how badly he wanted to run, he couldn't and he had no choice but to wait and see what the winchesters were going to do to him for killing the most important person in the world to them.

the front doors burst open, sam and dean entering after havjng kicked the door down and their eyes locked onto rowena and jack, seeing a nephilim looking like a deer in headlights and a witch who was struggling to find a way to properly act in this situation.

blinded with rage, dean ran towards jack and without hesitation, punched the boy directly in the face with such force that jack went straight to the floor, crashing against rowena's desk.

the extremely thin thread that jack's sanity was hanging by snapped as he felt blood start gushing from his nose, bringing a shaky hand up to his face and cupping his nose, all sorts of pain hitting him at once as the physical sting from his nose being broken and sam struggling to hold a very angry dean back so that he wouldn't hurt jack again, the nephilim couldn't stop himself from letting out a choked sob as too much emotion crashed into him like a tidal wave and it felt like everything that ever mattered to him was crumbling to dust in his hands.

jack's lungs burned as they desperately tried to take in oxygen that they couldn't seem to find, the terrible taste of iron and sal entering his mouth as a mixture of blood and tears leaked past his lips and he grabbed at his chest, feeling his hesrt pounding beneath his palm and clutching his sweater in his fist as he tried to get his body to do what it needed to do for survival, coughing as sobs wracked through him and he could feel himself hyperventilating but couldn't get himself to relax, too panicked to reach out for his grace to heal himself and barely registering that someone was kneeling beside him, putting their hands on him as they tried to shift his attention.

everything was going wrong and it was all his fault; no matter how hard he tried to do good everything turned sour and the horrible realization that he would always be evil made him want to scream until he died, his mother tried so hard to make sure he would feel safe and do good and his adoptive family did their damndest to make him into a good person, but it was no use as he was so better than lucifer.

he was a monster.

jack's whole body went numb, only increasing his panic as he noticed that his sense of touch had been replaced by a tingling emptiness and he tried to scream, the sound getting stuck in his throat and only creating a pitiful choked out cry, his blood stained hand falling from his face and landing in his lap as he felt his body start to give up, his mind finally slowing down as his vision faded to black and he slumped against the desk, letting his brain drag him into darkness.

**Author's Note:**

> don't mind the spelling/grammar mistakes. i'm lazy by nature and don't pay attention to things.


End file.
